Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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