y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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