i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
