i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
