i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
