so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
