yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
