It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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