My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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