lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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