So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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