I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
