woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
