Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
