Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
