i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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