sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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