I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
