How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
