I am in a vortex of obligation.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
