dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
