he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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