I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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