I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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