I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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