Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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