Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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