Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
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Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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