oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
