you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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