that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
