I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
