Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
