I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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