Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
