That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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