I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
