The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
