if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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