she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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