your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your penis caused this!
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