craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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