Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
