My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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