Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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