I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
