About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
