is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
