Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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