Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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