I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i believe in u and ur pee
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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