I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
