The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
