dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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