margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
