In the future we'll all be gay
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No subtext here. People are naked.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
