Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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