Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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