Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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