My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
