Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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